Success Comes in Many Forms

Success comes in many forms

Ever sat there thinking there's got to be more to life than this? Endless work, constant stress, the things you thought would make you happy have stopped doing so? Welcome to the club.

I used to be a corporate guy living what most would call a high lifestyle. Nice cars, fancy apartment, holidays, good title on my business card, and a career going up and up. On the outside I had it all. But on the inside there was always a nagging knot of doubt that eventually saw me on the doorstep to complete burnout.

Let me explain. I landed my dream job working for a Big 10 American software company, but it meant moving my family, and my whole life, from Australia to Singapore. I remember signing the contract and feeling on top of the world.

The weeks that followed were exciting and exhilarating, and also pretty stressful. My wife was six months pregnant, so I flew on ahead to set up our new home in a foreign country, while she packed up our old life and got ready to bring our two (soon to be three) sons to Singapore.

My feet barely touched the ground when I got to Singapore, a place I knew well through business. Within days I was jetting off to San Fransisco, then Malaysia, the Philippines and Hong Kong.

I didn't even bother getting an apartment, just lived out of a suitcase in hotel rooms because I was travelling so much. It wasn't until my family was just two weeks from arriving that I took a breather and found an apartment, then furnished it from Ikea (if I never see another Allen key it will be too soon) and greeted their arrival.

I was overjoyed and we spent a week settling in before the baby was born (literally 10 days after my wife and sons arrived).

Drinking to cope

And then I was off again, travelling for work. Vietnam, China, Indonesia. I lost count of the countries I visited and the days I was away. The money was pouring in and I cherished my weekends when (mostly) I'd make it back to Singapore to see my family. But I was always exhausted from long weeks meeting clients, taking them to expensive dinners and shows. I even got in trouble from. my boss once for not spending enough on my corporate credit card, and after that the entertaining became insane).

When I was home, I tried to do what I could, and engage with the boys and my new baby and find time for my wife. But I was exhausted, and always in the back of my mind was the knowledge that in two days I'd be back on a plane and gone again.

And I was drinking way too much. Boy could those clients drink, especially when it was on my company's dime. And that meant I spent long nights in restaurants, bars and the ever present karaoke clubs Asia is famed for.

By the weekend, I'd collapse by the pool and drink beers. We had a maid, who'd bring me cold ones right to the pool.

Very soon I was there, but rarely present ... my wife was suffering, my kids were suffering, and I was too tired to care. I even felt resentful when she asked me to go easy on the booze. After all, I was the cash bringer. So what if I spent up on beer? But I was so wrong.

Endless goodbyes to make a living

The more I worked and travelled, the more unhappy I became. I began to lose motivation, and when I had to give up my best sales territory to a new sales guy, I became resentful of my job.

It was a perfect storm that saw me spiralling. My health was impacted, I gained weight which only made me more tired. I had no routine that allowed for time in the gym and before too long nothing I did could compensate my wife for the lack of a real partner and father to share the load.

Then Covid came and caught us out on a trip back to Australia to see family. We became stuck, and had no idea how long the airlines would be shut down. We ended up living underneath my in-law's house because we thought we'd be back in Singapore soon enough. Boy was I wrong. Weeks became months, my job disappeared as the company cut back its global workforce, and I found myself drinking more than ever. I had no income, our savings were being eaten up daily, and I couldn't find any work, except in a local bar owned by a good friend.

Outwardly happy but dying on the inside

And at the same time a business I had invested heavily in, run by my best mate, went bust, costing me a small fortune and my best mate.

In a few short months I'd gone from corporate high flyer to bartender pulling beers. The young guys working the bar would rib me about what a comedown it must have been, and I'd laugh along. But inside I was dying with every jibe.

My relationship with my wife and kids went from bad to worse thanks to my drinking and my miserable attitude.

I ended up becoming a publican and running a new pub, then another one, a big country club, one of the biggest in Australia. More money but nowhere near what I was used to. And 60-80 hour weeks sweeping up drunks and stopping bar brawls.

I was done, and when I was let go after six months because my boss could thankfully see it was the best thing for me, I came home defeated, but also feeling free. I was made redundant on the very day we took the keys to a house we were finally able to afford the rent on.

My wife cried when I walked in the door. We'd spent two years living in cramped quarters under her parent's house, and she was so excited to be moving out, and now I had to tell her I was unemployed. I don't know why she stayed with me to be honest, but stay she did, and we moved into the rental and I found another job running a small cocktail bar.

Something in me changed when we moved into our new home. I started to realise what was important to me, and it certainly wasn't money. I had more time with my family and I realised just how little time I had given them previously. But I was still a mess of stress and anxiety and had no idea how to even start overhauling myself.

I began writing again, something that has always brought me joy. I'd released a book a few years earlier which sold pretty well, and I began dabbling in various genres, just tapping out ideas and drafts.

Burning out ...

Around this same time a friend introduced me to a women in Canada who was looking to write a book. Ann was a PHD, high achiever national sporting hero who had recently begun practising a thing called Quantum Wave Theory. We met over Skype to discuss her book and what it would be about and she explained that the best way for me to understand what she did would be to undergo her program, so I could then begin helping her with her book.

To say the journey I was about to begin would be life changing, is beyond understatement.

At my wife's encouragement I'd dabbled in various self awareness techniques over the years, like meditation, yoga, neural linguistic programming and others.

But what Ann took me through was the first measurable, definable journey of self discovery I've ever embarked on. Quantum Dynamics, Mechanics, Wave Theory, you name it, are all based around the science of Quantum Physics. I call it the science of the soul, because that's what my journey would lead me to discover - my true self, and my real purpose.

After a month or so working with Ann, I felt noticeable changes to my anxiety and stress. I mean, to be blunt, my anxiety and stress were gone, and I could see how I'd been interacting with the world all these years. I'd been happily living the life of a victim, deflecting blame for my own decisions on anyone and everyone else.

She led me to discover a life in which I was in control, not some hapless victim to an uncaring God or universe. Even my wife could see the difference in me, and she too joined Ann in sessions.

Within six months I had confronted years of patterning that had been negatively impacting the way I interacted with the world. By recognising and replacing those patters with positive, empowering patterns, I was able to reprogram myself from within.

I discovered that I had been living my life to please everyone else, to fit a certain image, and to achieve what I thought success looked like. But it had made me miserable, isolated and ultimately, I had failed myself and the people around me.

The moment I realised that only I was responsible for me, my world began to change. Swapping from victim to pilot was empowering beyond belief, and I suddenly found a new energy and vigour that had nothing to do with my previous visions of success.

With Ann, I discovered. my true purpose - to live joyfully through story-telling. That's it.

Doesn't sound like much when you look at it, but for me it was mind blowing. I'd been a journalist in my younger years, and had been writing stories since I was a kid. I'd written and published a few books, but had in effect dropped writing to pursue money and a career in sales. And I hated sales. I always felt like that kid in Oliver 'please sir, can I have some more'.

Within months of discovering my purpose, my focus on what I wanted to do just went into overdrive. I began having vivid dreams of ideas and pathways opening before me. And working in a bar didn't suck any more because how we make our money and what our life purpose is don't always have to be the same. In fact, the more I focussed on my purpose, the more financial opportunities opened up before me in the story telling space.

Reconnecting to what matters

I soon left my last bar job and made the bold decision to make it on my own. And the money has just materialised to support me, with more opportunities and ideas coming each week (so many in fact I have to be careful not to go chasing after all of them and spread myself too thin).

This website is part of that focus. I don't know how, nor do I particularly care, where my next pay cheque is coming from. I just know it will.

My life is changed so much that when I look back at who I was, it's like looking at a faded shadow, or a distant memory.

I drink less now, for enjoyment not for escape, I spend more actual quality time engaging with my kids, and my wife and I are closer than we have been in years. It feels like a real partnership where we are walking this life together, rather than me off somewhere and her wondering when I'll wake up!

Whenever I try to thank Ann, she just laughs and says 'hey, thank yourself, you did all the hard work'. And she's right. I finally learned that nothing happens TO me. It happens BECAUSE of me, and knowing that I am the pilot of my own destiny has been the most freeing experience of my life ...

I now measure success in very different ways. I've changed the focus from the material to the internal, and I'm happier than I've ever been. I have deeper personal relationships, and I see people through different eyes. I see THEM, not what they do or what they have, and I see myself in the same way.

But I'm not at the end of my journey, rather I see myself at the start of a new one, one that is more real, more fulfilling, and more rewarding than I've ever known.

Be Peaceful ...

Jay